WHAT IF GOD HAD AN ANSWERING MACHINE?

I have learned to live with answering machines as a necessary part of modernization. But I've often wondered --- what if God decided to install an answering machine? Imagine praying, then hearing this:

"Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please press 1 for a request. Press 2 for a thanksgiving. Press 3 to complain. For all other inquiries, press 4."

So I press 1 and I hear: "We're sorry. Due to heavier than expected volume we are unable to make a connection with God; please try again later. Your business is important to us."

What if God used the familiar excuse: "All of the angels are helping other souls right now. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received."

Can you imagine these kinds of recorded responses as you call on God in prayer:

"To find out how many angels dance on the head of a pin, press 4."

"If you'd like King David to sing a psalm for you, press 6."

"To find out if your relative is here , enter the date they departed and listen for the list that follows."

"To confirm your reservations at My Father's House, press the letters J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6."

"To find out what your pastor is doing at the moment, press 7."

"If you want to know what I think of American politics, don't press anything. Hang up and listen for laughter."

"For the answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, or where Noah's Ark is...wait till you get here!"

"Our computers indicate you've called once today, already. Please hang up immediately."

"This office is closed for the weekend. Please call Monday."

Thank God we can call on him anytime, and the line is never busy. God takes each call personally, and we'll never be put on "hold"!

Best of all, God often calls on us. Are you waiting for His call? If you listen carefully, you just might hear music in the background and God sing, "I just called to say 'I love you!' I just called to say how much I care..."

© Reverend Paul Kummer