Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies with Typewriters. They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Happy Birthday Mom

Today would have been my Moms 89th birthday.  But instead of celebrating her 89th here with us, she is celebrating her first birthday in Heaven!!  Happy birthday Mom!!!  Love, Judy

My Mom's Obituary (DOD 1-21-2012

Vivian Lorraine Rice Vivian Lorraine Rice, known as Nanny to everyone she met, the matriarch of the Rice Family Singers, was promoted to the heavenly choir on Saturday, January 21st, 2012. She was born the youngest child of Claude Huston Crawford and Rebecca Edith Shanks Crawford on August 20, 1923, in Kilsyth, WV. She grew up with her two sisters in Mt. Hope who preceded her in death, Gladys Crawford Warden and Violet Crawford Reed. She graduated from Mt. Hope High School and soon after married Thomas Edward Rice from Tennessee, “the best lookin’ boy” she had ever seen, on December 6, 1941 — the day before the bombing of Pearl Harbor. She was often heard saying, “Nobody loved each other as much as we did.” Tom was often heard to say, “Two great wars started that week!” Tom has been waiting with the Lord and the Heavenly Hosts since 1982 for his singing partner, his love, his wife of what would be 70 years. Nanny is survived by three children and their spouses: Judy and Rickey Ray of Virginia Beach, Va., Connie and Mike Rodas of Wayside, W.Va., and Tom and Shelia Rice of Christiansburg, Va. One of her greatest joys in life was spending time with her grandchildren playing, shopping, and traveling with them. She began teaching them to sing and pray as early as two years old. Nanny has left to them a legacy of a love of music and serving the Lord. She often said, “God doesn’t want your junk — he wants your best” in trying to encourage them to make a joyful noise to the Lord. Nanny loved her grandchildren “her babies,” very much and spent as much time as she could with them. She has left seven grandchildren: Jennifer and Bill Pinto of Smyrna, Ga., Rebecca and Randy Fox of Talcott, W.Va., Angela and Brandon Hodges of Willis, Va., Cameron Rice of Christiansburg, Va., Samantha Rice of Christiansburg, Va., Debra and Kevin Daugherty and Mark and Evelyn Call. Her great-grandchildren: Keegan Pinto of Smyrna, Ga., Zachariah Thomas Hodges of Willis, Va., Ella Lorraine Hodges (Nanny’s namesake) of Willis, Va., and Jesse Call will know her through the stories, pictures and music she has left behind Nanny’s goal was to live a life that was pleasing to God. She spent her time praying and ministering to others in churches, nursing homes, and jails in Virginia and West Virginia. She would sing and she spoke to everyone she met of the love of the Lord and how he had blessed her life. During the 1960s The Rice Family Singers (Vivian, Tom and their three children) were responsible for two television programs on WYAH Channel 27, the Christian Broadcast Network in Portsmouth, Va. The “Sunshine Hour” was focused on providing encouragement to Christians and aired on Sundays after church and included music and testimonies from the family and prayer requests from the public. The “Prodigal” focusing on salvation of lost souls aired every Saturday evening at 7 p.m. and included songs and testimonies about conversion and salvation. In the 1970s the family ministered in churches, nursing homes and jails primarily in West Virginia. They were on the radio stations WMTD in Hinton and WBKW in Beckley. These programs focused on encouraging Christians and included songs, testimonies and prayer requests. When the children had left home, she and Tom continued to minister in churches, nursing homes and jails until his death in 1982. Nanny continued to visit nursing homes with her friends and testified and sang for the residents. When she could no longer drive, she began a ministry in her home of praying for and sending cards and notes to those who were ill or needed encouragement. She has been a devoted and very active member of War Ridge Free Will Baptist Church in Wayside, W.Va., since 1969. In addition to her church and ministry activities, she enjoyed life and wanted to live it fully. In her 70s she began taking piano lessons and Bible College courses from Liberty University as well as learning how to use a computer. Vivian “Nanny” Rice was loved and respected by all who knew her. Her family and friends will miss her greatly but are confident she is in heaven with her beloved Tom and her savior Jesus Christ. The family would like to thank the physicians and staff at Carilion Giles Community Hospital with a special note of appreciation to Dr. McMahon. They would also like to express appreciation to the staff at Bowers Hospice House in Beckley. Visitation will be Tuesday, January 24th, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at the Ronald Meadows Funeral Parlors in Hinton. The funeral will be held at War Ridge Free Will Baptist Church in Wayside, WV, on Wednesday, January 25th, at 3 p.m. Interment will follow at the Oak Grove Cemetery in Ballengee, W.Va. In lieu of flowers please make a donation in Vivian Rice’s name to the Bowers Hospice House at 454 Cranberry Drive, Beckley, WV 25801. Condolences may be sent to the family at www.ronaldmeadowsfp.com. Arrangements are by the Ronald Meadows Funeral Parlors of Hinton.

With Christmas just around the corner, local businessesneed our support. The Chinese and others overseas do not and should not be getting most of our money. Christmas 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition :As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods -- merchandisethat has been produced at the expense of American labor. This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes there is!It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber? Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement. Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down the Benjamines ona Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at ashop run by the American working guy? Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day. My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes. Plan yourholiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre. Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for thehouse? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can buildanother glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine. THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.Forward this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion groups -- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city -- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other, and isn't that what Christmas is about?

Never be afraid to try something new!

Remember, amateurs built the Ark . . . . professionals built the Titanic!!

. . . . I CAN LEARN FROM MY DOG!

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW,
I CAN LEARN FROM MY DOG!

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent,
sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

SUNDAY -- THE FOURTH OF JULY 2010 !!

The Star Spangled Banner
by Francis Scott Key

O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming;And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;O say, does that Star-Spangled Banner yet waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On that shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,As it fitfully blows, now conceals, now discloses?Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam--In full glory reflected now shines in the stream;'Tis the Star-Spangled Banner; O long may it waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where are the foes who so vauntingly sworeThat the havoc of war and the battle's confusionA home and a country should leave us no more?Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.No refuge could save the hireling and slaveFrom the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave;And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph doth waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

O thus be it ever, when freemen shall standBetween their loved homes and the war desolation;Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n-rescued landPraise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!Then conquer we must, for our cause it is just,And this be our motto, "In God is our trust";And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

NOTES AND QUESTIONS
Biographical and Historical Note
Francis Scott Key (1780-1843), a native of Maryland, was a lawyer and poet. His patriotic poem, "The Star-Spangled Banner," which has become a national song, made him famous.

The incidents referred to in this poem occurred during the War of 1812. In August, 1814, a strong force of British entered Washington and burned the Capitol, the White House, and many other public buildings. On September 13, the British admiral moved his fleet into position to attack Fort McHenry, near Baltimore. The bombardment of the fort lasted all night, but the fort was so bravely defended that the flag was still floating over it when morning came.

Just before the bombardment began, Francis Scott Key was sent to the admiral's frigate to arrange for an exchange of prisoners, and was told to wait until the bombardment was over. All night he watched the fort, and by the first rays of morning light he saw he Stars and Stripes still waving. Then, in his joy and pride, he wrote the stirring words of the song which is now known and loved by all Americans--"The Star-Spangled Banner."

St. Patrick's Day

Ya, Ya! I know -- St. Patrick's Day was last week!! BUT= It was a very, very special day for me and Rick. March 17 was our 41st wedding anniversary!!!! Can you believe it?? 41 great years!!!

The old human question . . . wonders how God can stand the great agonies of life that have to come to cure the world of its sin, and never wonders how God can stand the sin! (from "The Search," by Grace Livingston Hill)

Starting 2010 (from my good friend Claudine)

He came to my desk, with a quivering lip.

The lesson was done.

Have you a new leaf for me, teacher?

I have spoiled this one.

I took his leaf, all soiled and blotted. . . .

And gave him a new one, all unspotted.

Then into his stirred heart I smiled,

“Do better now my child.”

I went to the throne with a trembling heart.

The year was done.

Have you a new year for me, Father?

I have spoiled this one.

He took my year, all soiled and blotted.

And gave me a new one, all unspotted.

And into my tired heart He smiled,

“Do better now, my child.”

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